why can i never get what i want?

hi guys, it has been a lot of time since my last post but now I'm back (hopefully)

since I came out of the closet 2 months ago I've have been feeling awesome, I'm eating better, I'm less stressed, I'm doing exercise and I'm getting kinda sexy... for real, I'm not the same person

I also have better self esteem... or I had better self esteem until I realized that all my friends have a boy/girlfriend, my 2 best friends since we were like 7 years old, Paola and Kevin are also homosexuals and both of them have a partner, and what i hate the most is that they're awesome, their partners are AWESOME

I always wanted someone, who doesn't? but now I'm getting depressed because I'm the only one that doesn't have someone, I'm thinking that I will never have someone no matter what i do, I'm acne free(not like Paola and Kevin), I'm ripped(not like Paola and Kevin), I'm tall(not like Paola and Kevin).... I'm not talking shit of my friends, the thing is that I have things that they don't have but they are happier than me

yesterday was a really crazy day, the 5 of us, Paola, Kevin, Madelaine, Jonathan and me(the 5th wheel) were at Kevin's house and my main goal was to NOT seeing them make out, the last time i saw Kevin and jona kissing like they were at a porn movie I started crying when I was in the shower of my house

we were going to see a movie and spend the time there... well, since i knew we were going to see a movie I knew that i was going to be the only one seeing the movie

we were at Kevin's room on the bed and I was in one corner, i was going to watch the movie and i was also going to block the things that the others were doing with pillows, at first it was working but then I got sad... now i know that I don't need to see them kissing to make me sad, i only have to know that they're a couple to trigger the sadness... so I got out of the room crying with a pillow on my face and then Paola came with me, we sat and started talking and she cheer me up a little

at the end we were going back to the room and Jonathan was ON Kevin and I just left and entered other room, I was on a bed and i was thinking a lot of things... at the end i just got some bottles of alcohol and I got really drunk and i went to the hot room.... for real, that room was ON FIRE and my theory was right, i didn't felt anything when i saw Paola with Madelaine and Kevin with Jonathan

Jonathan and Kevin were nagging me and I just wanted to drink some more, but Kevin took my glass and i knew that was for the best so i didn't complained too much about that

it was really late so we had to get the fuck out of there because of our parents were going to kill us all and i was drunk so you can imagine the stress of all of us, except me because i was drunk

let's leave the story with I hide my drunkenness to my mom, i slept in the shower until 12 o'clock and i don't have a hangover

now, i really want a BF and i don't know, maybe I'll kill myself doing exercise... that way I at least be focused on something else

TO MUCH CHANGES!!!

WOW, it has been a while since my last post but now i'm back (until homework makes my life hell)

let's start with all the things that i've done in the weeks of my absense...

first, i made my room go a 180° in style, i just changed ALL of it, new color, new clothes, new everything

second, i will say that (read the next capitals of all the text starting here) i came out of the...

third, i dont Care having my hair Long anymore

fOurth, now i'm an exerciS freak.... with my new revelations i've discovered that i have to change a lot of things in my lifE i wanna find someone

i really can't believe i just put several weeks of my life so shorT o.O